Infertility can be especially isolating for the introverted.
Books, movies and videogames currently hold more appeal to me than most people.
To be honest, it may be that these distractions are easier than
keeping up with high school and college friendships that have loss common bonds, as they achieve parenthood and I am left yearning for something they have started to take for granted.
During my first IVF, my immensely ignorant, delusional, and overly-confident self told my best high school friend (and maid of honor at my wedding) about my treatment.
We loss touch over the ensuing months, and when I spoke to her again, I was gearing up for IVF #2. Since she had been one of the few people I told about #1, I told her about my anticipation for IVF #2. Her response was "You've done this before"?
I have a vague recollection of my ears turning red (one of the lovely side effects of my embarrassment and/or anger) and mumbling something dismissive trying to find a way to leave so I could go home and be by myself.
And since then, I've managed to stay by myself pretty well. This was helped when my workplace allowed me to start working from home. So now, not only am I a hermit, but I'm a hermit that doesn't even have to get out of her ultra sexy hermit snowman fleece pants.
I have kept my current infertility woes between myself (and N8 of course) and you lovely folks.
I didn't even have the heart to tell my Mom about this latest cycle, and my
in-laws in all their ultra-conservative Catholicism, I have decided to keep in the dark.
So really all I have to vent to is you, my consolers, and I am immensely grateful for your pixelated presence in my life.
Every once in awhile I need to put down my dragon slaying axe, or my newest steampunk paperback novel and face reality. I am infertile and lonely and it hurts.
Wow, reality sucks. I think I'll go back to dragon slaying. The villagers need me.